i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize