YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
