This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
