I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
