U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The adults are the big ones right?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
