drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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