we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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