How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
...so i touched it.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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