bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
