Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It was confusing and full of hummus
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
