she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
