tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
