I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She needs sedatives and a leash
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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