your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
