You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
