Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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