Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
