Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
