you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
