I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
