We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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