hell yes lets make some ravioli
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
