I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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