When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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