I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
