I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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