dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
