dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
