Nicole vs. Life
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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