you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize