i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
