i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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