The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
