This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
