I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
