There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize