During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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