Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
