Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
