if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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