She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
