he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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