i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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