maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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