i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
