Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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