she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
