She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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