My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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