Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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