I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
