he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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