so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize