We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
