i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
and she was petting her beer can
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
