ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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