i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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