No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
