New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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