you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
