Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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