Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
