11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
