so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
false alarm, still single
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