i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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