Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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