I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
