wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
