What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
