Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize