I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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