I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
