Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize