Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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