During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
