HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
