I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
