The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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