I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
