Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
