Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize