Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
