he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
