Plan B is the new Plan A
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
