Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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