I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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