what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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