no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize