isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
