she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
