i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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