apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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