Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
