He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm both gender and math confused
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
